Okay

The first week is over and I have chosen to relax tonight and hit the books tomorrow, my head is swimming with information after sitting through lectures for the last 3 days. It is a good thing that I take a lot of notes so that I can go back and review. With the classes that I have this semester I will want to keep all the information that I obtain and then I can go back and gleen from it when I am ready to open my own business. I will have opportunities to run the front of the house of the restaurant on campus, as well as hostess, serve and wash a few dishes. Dishes will seem like the safest place to be I am sure, but I will gain more knowledge being out on the floor. I am a little nervous, but I am also looking forward to the challenge. As I progress through school I can see new hope for my furture. I am already tired but it is a good tired. I will have to remember to take time for me so that I do not get overwhelmed. Nothing but potential lies ahead. I am so thankful for my future and the opportunities that are ahead.

Third Semester

Third Semester, not third trimester!!! General Ed classes are done and now I am able just to focus on my major: Culinary!!!!!!!! This is going to be a great yet very challenging semester. Projects to do and there is already so much info to retain. I sat in lecture for one class today for four hours, it is a good thing that I took notes or I would be in trouble. The one class I was worried about I am no longer.

Surgery

I had to stop and think about the number of surgeries that I have had, 8 of them and hopefully no more to come.

The first surgery I had my tonsils removed when I was in the 3rd grade. After that I didn't have surgery for several years, actually until 1980 when I was in the Army and my legs got messed up so they had to do surgery on both of them, I had bilateral tibial compartment syndrome, even after the surgery I have some limitations, but I am so able to live life, so that hasn't really slowed me down.

After I married my husband we decided to try and have a baby, the first pregnancy ended up being a tubal pregnancy so they had to do surgery, this one was the hardest surgery of all, one we wanted a child so badly and to come that far only to have our dreams taken away was hard, but what made it all the move difficult is I had just lost my brother 6 months before and then the morning after my surgery my sister came in to tell me she was pregnant, that was bitter sweet because I was excited for her but I was still morning the loss of our child. Then several months later I finally became pregnant again and gave birth to a beautiful little girl (who is now a mother herself) I had a tumor the whole time I was pregnant so 8 months after having her I had surgery to remove the beign tumore. I was fine for awhile and then I was just having to many issues so I ended up having a hysterectomy a couple of years later (best surgery ever!).

I lived life a good long while until 2 and 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had the first surgery a lumpectomy and a few weeks later they discovered there was more cancer so I had another lumpectomy. I healed from those surgeries and waited to make sure there weren't going to be any other complication and so about a year down the road I had the reconstruction surgery that I needed and so I now look 100% better. I just went to the doctor after finding another lump but thank God it was not anything to worry about, it was just caused from the previous surgeries. I do have an inflammed sternum and they said that would take awhile to heal so while I am waiting for that to heal I am living life, working and taking care of my family and our home.

If I had to choose a surgery to have it would be a tummy tuck and I think then that I would call every thing complete. I am blessed to have healed from all that I have experienced, I have a full life, not limited to much so I am able to enjoy my life.

The First Time I Saw The Ocean

Wonderous, Awesome and Magnificent are the words that come to mind for the first time that I saw the Ocean. These are words that I would still use today to describe the Ocean. I can stand on the beach and look and listen to the Ocean for hours. The sound of the Ocean reminds me of the power of the Holy Spirit. The power of the Ocean reminds me of the power of God.



When I look at the Ocean I see the beauty and creativity of God and then I begin to think about all the sea creature and the amount of detail that was put into each one. How they are able to stay under water their entire lives and then there are those that come up for air ocassionally and then go back to explore the depths of the Ocean. The very thought of that just amazes me.



Everytime I go to the Ocean it is like the first time. I love put my toes deep into the warm sand, feeling the sun upon my skin and closing my eyes and listening to the sound of the Ocean. There are many other sounds that you hear when you are at the Ocean. The birds, ships (boats) and of course people ( mostly children at play). Being at the Ocean is my favorite place to be. I hope to one day move so that I can go to the Ocean any time that I want to. I don't think it will ever lose its appeal. The Ocean is just

"What do you think about when you can't sleep?"

I think about what is going on in my life, the victories that I am experiencing or would like to experience. I also think about the struggles that I am facing. There are times that I think about what I would like our next house to look life, how I would lay out the kitchen, the type of appliances that I would like to have such as a 6 burner gas stove, 2 ovens and of course granite counter tops. I would love for the bed room to be big enough for a seating area and the closet big enough to get dressed in. The Master bath to have a shower as big as the bathroom that I have now. Will this ever happen, it is possible.

I think about my kids and what life has to offer them, I wonder how things will turn out for my son when he joins the military in a couple of years, will he be sent into combat, will he be one of the causalities, will we join the ranks of other parents who have lost a child while they were protecting our freedom that our own government is trying to take away from us (this is a whole other topic). We could also be one of the parents whom our child returns home safely after defending our country. This is a basket of eggs that I don't want to open until it is time, but it does cross my mind. I also will lay there and wonder if I will ever have to fight cancer again, will I defeat it again or will it be what takes me home to be with the Lord.

Mostly when I can't sleep I have a lot of questions that roll through my mind, sometimes I even come up with the answers to the questions and other times it causes me to have even more questions. Thankfully I can sleep 98% of the time. I enjoy my sleep!!!! It is amazing that I don't dream much, well anyway I don't remember my dreams if I do dream.

I think alot about what my life is going to be like in the future, there are a lot of possibilities. Who knows I could end of being a famous Chef, a writer, or just an awesome grandmother and mom any of which is fine with me.

Papa is still in the picture!!

There are still many things in my life that still suck, but Papa God is still with me, guiding me when I ask Him to--He is a much better driver than I am. I know that He always takes me to the right place. Trust!!! Why is trusting God such a hard thing to do, He loves us, wants the best for us and yet we still try to do things our way thinking somehow it will come out better than if we just stop and listen to what God has to say! Damn sometimes we are so hard headed!!

Today I am choosing to slow down and listen to what Papa God has to say and then take my next step or steps. He has already had me get a new journal started and to really put my heart on those pages, things I won't put on this blog, because once on the net always on the net and I just don't wish to share everything with the world, somethings are better left private!! I don't want to look back 5 or 10 years from now and have regrets because of what I wrote on this blog. I do hope this blog makes an impact for someone in some way, but if not it is helping me to become a better writer and to know myself better. Between this and my journal I am laying my self bare. Hopefully soon I will be able to begin to write short stories and see where they take me. I am hope to allow my imagination full range in my writing of stories, in my blogs and journals I want to keep it real unless I am writing a trial run on a story, hopefully we will all be able to tell the difference, I will leave a hint or two.

I hope if anyone reads my blog that you have the best day ever and can find some inspiration to overcome at least one hurdle in your life.

Signing off: Momma T