Saturday, October 2, 2010

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I had the time to sit down and put thoughts on this blog. This has been my busiest semester so far and toughest. I have even come across an instructor that takes everything out of me, sometimes I have to make myself go to class, but I refuse to give up or to be defeated.
I love what I have chosen to do with my future but there are those that make it difficult to keep heading in that direction, this instructor even brought me to tears which is really hard to do. I almost walked out of class and for that matter I almost quit school, but I am not a quitter so I will keep moving forward. Life always presents it's challenges. I could probably go on and on, but that won't solve or change anything, so suffice it to say this has been a tough week and I am glad it is over!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010


The first week is over and I have chosen to relax tonight and hit the books tomorrow, my head is swimming with information after sitting through lectures for the last 3 days. It is a good thing that I take a lot of notes so that I can go back and review. With the classes that I have this semester I will want to keep all the information that I obtain and then I can go back and gleen from it when I am ready to open my own business. I will have opportunities to run the front of the house of the restaurant on campus, as well as hostess, serve and wash a few dishes. Dishes will seem like the safest place to be I am sure, but I will gain more knowledge being out on the floor. I am a little nervous, but I am also looking forward to the challenge. As I progress through school I can see new hope for my furture. I am already tired but it is a good tired. I will have to remember to take time for me so that I do not get overwhelmed. Nothing but potential lies ahead. I am so thankful for my future and the opportunities that are ahead.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Third Semester

Third Semester, not third trimester!!! General Ed classes are done and now I am able just to focus on my major: Culinary!!!!!!!! This is going to be a great yet very challenging semester. Projects to do and there is already so much info to retain. I sat in lecture for one class today for four hours, it is a good thing that I took notes or I would be in trouble. The one class I was worried about I am no longer.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I had to stop and think about the number of surgeries that I have had, 8 of them and hopefully no more to come.

The first surgery I had my tonsils removed when I was in the 3rd grade. After that I didn't have surgery for several years, actually until 1980 when I was in the Army and my legs got messed up so they had to do surgery on both of them, I had bilateral tibial compartment syndrome, even after the surgery I have some limitations, but I am so able to live life, so that hasn't really slowed me down.

After I married my husband we decided to try and have a baby, the first pregnancy ended up being a tubal pregnancy so they had to do surgery, this one was the hardest surgery of all, one we wanted a child so badly and to come that far only to have our dreams taken away was hard, but what made it all the move difficult is I had just lost my brother 6 months before and then the morning after my surgery my sister came in to tell me she was pregnant, that was bitter sweet because I was excited for her but I was still morning the loss of our child. Then several months later I finally became pregnant again and gave birth to a beautiful little girl (who is now a mother herself) I had a tumor the whole time I was pregnant so 8 months after having her I had surgery to remove the beign tumore. I was fine for awhile and then I was just having to many issues so I ended up having a hysterectomy a couple of years later (best surgery ever!).

I lived life a good long while until 2 and 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had the first surgery a lumpectomy and a few weeks later they discovered there was more cancer so I had another lumpectomy. I healed from those surgeries and waited to make sure there weren't going to be any other complication and so about a year down the road I had the reconstruction surgery that I needed and so I now look 100% better. I just went to the doctor after finding another lump but thank God it was not anything to worry about, it was just caused from the previous surgeries. I do have an inflammed sternum and they said that would take awhile to heal so while I am waiting for that to heal I am living life, working and taking care of my family and our home.

If I had to choose a surgery to have it would be a tummy tuck and I think then that I would call every thing complete. I am blessed to have healed from all that I have experienced, I have a full life, not limited to much so I am able to enjoy my life.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The First Time I Saw The Ocean

Wonderous, Awesome and Magnificent are the words that come to mind for the first time that I saw the Ocean. These are words that I would still use today to describe the Ocean. I can stand on the beach and look and listen to the Ocean for hours. The sound of the Ocean reminds me of the power of the Holy Spirit. The power of the Ocean reminds me of the power of God.

When I look at the Ocean I see the beauty and creativity of God and then I begin to think about all the sea creature and the amount of detail that was put into each one. How they are able to stay under water their entire lives and then there are those that come up for air ocassionally and then go back to explore the depths of the Ocean. The very thought of that just amazes me.

Everytime I go to the Ocean it is like the first time. I love put my toes deep into the warm sand, feeling the sun upon my skin and closing my eyes and listening to the sound of the Ocean. There are many other sounds that you hear when you are at the Ocean. The birds, ships (boats) and of course people ( mostly children at play). Being at the Ocean is my favorite place to be. I hope to one day move so that I can go to the Ocean any time that I want to. I don't think it will ever lose its appeal. The Ocean is just

Monday, August 2, 2010

"What do you think about when you can't sleep?"

I think about what is going on in my life, the victories that I am experiencing or would like to experience. I also think about the struggles that I am facing. There are times that I think about what I would like our next house to look life, how I would lay out the kitchen, the type of appliances that I would like to have such as a 6 burner gas stove, 2 ovens and of course granite counter tops. I would love for the bed room to be big enough for a seating area and the closet big enough to get dressed in. The Master bath to have a shower as big as the bathroom that I have now. Will this ever happen, it is possible.

I think about my kids and what life has to offer them, I wonder how things will turn out for my son when he joins the military in a couple of years, will he be sent into combat, will he be one of the causalities, will we join the ranks of other parents who have lost a child while they were protecting our freedom that our own government is trying to take away from us (this is a whole other topic). We could also be one of the parents whom our child returns home safely after defending our country. This is a basket of eggs that I don't want to open until it is time, but it does cross my mind. I also will lay there and wonder if I will ever have to fight cancer again, will I defeat it again or will it be what takes me home to be with the Lord.

Mostly when I can't sleep I have a lot of questions that roll through my mind, sometimes I even come up with the answers to the questions and other times it causes me to have even more questions. Thankfully I can sleep 98% of the time. I enjoy my sleep!!!! It is amazing that I don't dream much, well anyway I don't remember my dreams if I do dream.

I think alot about what my life is going to be like in the future, there are a lot of possibilities. Who knows I could end of being a famous Chef, a writer, or just an awesome grandmother and mom any of which is fine with me.

Papa is still in the picture!!

There are still many things in my life that still suck, but Papa God is still with me, guiding me when I ask Him to--He is a much better driver than I am. I know that He always takes me to the right place. Trust!!! Why is trusting God such a hard thing to do, He loves us, wants the best for us and yet we still try to do things our way thinking somehow it will come out better than if we just stop and listen to what God has to say! Damn sometimes we are so hard headed!!

Today I am choosing to slow down and listen to what Papa God has to say and then take my next step or steps. He has already had me get a new journal started and to really put my heart on those pages, things I won't put on this blog, because once on the net always on the net and I just don't wish to share everything with the world, somethings are better left private!! I don't want to look back 5 or 10 years from now and have regrets because of what I wrote on this blog. I do hope this blog makes an impact for someone in some way, but if not it is helping me to become a better writer and to know myself better. Between this and my journal I am laying my self bare. Hopefully soon I will be able to begin to write short stories and see where they take me. I am hope to allow my imagination full range in my writing of stories, in my blogs and journals I want to keep it real unless I am writing a trial run on a story, hopefully we will all be able to tell the difference, I will leave a hint or two.

I hope if anyone reads my blog that you have the best day ever and can find some inspiration to overcome at least one hurdle in your life.

Signing off: Momma T

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sometimes Life Just Sucks!!!!!!

Ever had one of those days, I have and today was one of those and of course it involved family. Just when you think you have laid a good foundation in your kids they make some of the screwy decisions based on a lot of nonsense, listen to people that don't really have the all the wisdom they need to help them make right decisions or are giving them advise for their own selfish reasons and then there are husbands that have some areas that need healing and until that healing occurs life can just suck.

I love them all and want things to work out but I am so stressed that I can feel it taking a toll on my body. I know to pray and turn it over but I still have to live with all that is going on around me right now. Frankly I wish I was standing out in the middle of a field with no one around me and I would love to just scream at the top of my lungs, let some of this frustration out.

Right now it seems that no matter what I do or say it is not enough for someone, I think I would like a mini vacation all by myself. I knew life could be complicated, I have lived complicated I was just hoping that by this time in my life things would start smoothing out a bit, but it hasn't.

One of the things that I am afraid of is that all of this stress and lack of security that are in my life right now will cause a chain reaction in my body and I could end up with cancer again. You know no one really takes all that into account when they want me to help them, or agree with them or when I am placed in the middle in order to protect someone. It is taking it's toll and I am tired, but I know I will wake up in the morning and I will be ready to fight this fight once again. Life is precious and I need to savor every moment even when it is hard.

I am tired and I really need some sleep but I hate to go in, I am enjoying sitting here on my deck with the breeze and the peacefulness that is out here, when I go in I will have to deal with all the stress. Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder what tomorrow will hold.

Friday, July 30, 2010


I am working a fast food job, cooking but it doesn't require any of the culinary skills that I have been learning in school, which is a little disheartening, but on the other hand this job works around my school schedule. I desire to be in a job that allows me to use my creative skills. I was suppose to have a job working with a Chef that I have known since High School, I even filled out all the paper work, I was suppose to just wait for them to call and wouldn't you know I have been waiting all summer, it is disappointing but I will rise above this and continue on. I have alot of other opportunities ahead of me and I will learn from each one of them.

I am glad that after tomorrow I will have a day off and it is suppose to be nice so I will be hanging out in the pool, then I will be ready for the following week to hit it again at work, the only problem is the temperature is going to be really hot which makes the cook aisle that much hotter, it has already been well over a hundred and I come home soaked and exhausted. I remind myself often to be thankful that I have a job of anykind with the way our economy in our country is right now. I am also very grateful that I am able to continue to go to school and pursue my dream of owning my own restaurant. I am not sure how it is all going to come about but I know that it will. I am looking forward to what the future holds. I hope I come out of school being alot more creative with flavors than I am right now. In the meantime I will continue working on my skills.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Twists and Turns

Life takes many twists and turns and some days you don't know what to expect, other days you can tell where life is going to take you. We have had many things going on in our lives lately and we don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next, one day we can feel our hearts breaking and the next our hearts may be rejoicing. We have learned to place our trust where it belongs with God. I couldn't imagine living life and not having God to turn to with my successes and failures.

Raising children has it twists and turns as well as marriage, but the twist and turns are defientely worth going through. We are walking through some right now but I know in the end that it will be worth it. Allowing your children to make their own mistakes is sometimes hard but so necessary, Lord knows that i have made enough of my own over the years and I have learned much from them. I think I have learned more from my mistakes than from my successes. I try to impart as much as the wisdom that I have gleaned over the years with my kids but ultimatley it is up to them whether they chose to use what I share with them or learn the hard way. I guess at times they have to walk through their own twists and turns.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Finding Time

It is amazing the amount of time you can find to do things if you really want to. Blogging is something that I really want to do, I think it will benefit me throughout the rest of my life. I think it will help continue to improve my writing skills. I know that I want to write a cookbook, but I think that I might want to try my hand at writing another type of book as well. We will have to see what my future holds. I may need to experiment with some other writing prompts and see what kind of stories that I can come up with, who knows I might find a decent writer hiding within myself.

I worked on one writing prompt but I was kind of pressed for time and didn't really put all that I had into it, so for the next one I think I will put more thought into it.

I have always loved to write and have written in journals for years, some of which I have kept and others I placed in the trash when my life had moved in a different direction or the thoughts and feelings that I had shared within the pages I didn't want anyone else to read, they were private (between God and myself).

As I am sitting here writting this blog I am already planning out my time so that I can begin to put my recipes together and see what I come up with, I know it will take time and planning since I am not out of school yet and my job doesn't allow my creative juices to flow, I just cook, but I am learning time management in the cook aisle and some other important lessons that will benefit later on.

Can It Be

Can it be true they called and told me I didn't have to go into work until 10:00, extra time at home, so I did my house work for the day, figured out what to do for dinner, played with my granddaughter, talked to my daughter and now here I sit, able to blog.

I am reading the book: Eat Pray Love which I am really am enjoying, because of my relationship with God there are a few things that I have to filter out but there is still alot to glean from her journey.

During the last few years I have discovered the importance of having more of a relationship with God than doing all of the religious things that man expects from you, I went back to reading the Bible and am allowing the Holy Spirit to direct my steps, it is amazing how much more fulfilling my life is, how much more I love God's people instead of judging what they are doing, people have so much going on in their lives, they are holding on to so much woundedness that they just need someone to accept them right where they are and love them. I am working with alot of young people right now and they are doing things and making decisions that I don't agree with but I still love them treat them with respect and they come and talk to me about things and if I was being religious none of this would be happening.

I have learned so much about freedom in God, love and life and that trusting God takes me so much further in life than trying to fix things yourself So, I have decided to get a tatoo on my wrist written in Hebrew that says Freedom, Live and Trusting God.

I am so greatful for where my life is going and the people that I am sharing my life with.

God is so good!!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Journey Continues

I thought I would have a lot of time to blog this summer but I was wrong. I am working pretty much full time, plus still taking care of the house, laundry, cooking, and all that comes with that. I had more to do this summer because my husband was working in New York for 9 weeks, I was blessed to be able to go to New York for about 3 weeks to work with him, but then I was back home taking care of things waiting for him to come home, he is here now with us, but he will be leaving again in a few weeks to go work in New York once again. I now have less than a month until classes start again. I am really looking forward to starting these next set of classes they will prepare me more for my future. I am loving school but I look forward to the day I graduate and can start putting the finishing touches on opening our deli.

My daughter and I dream all the time about what the deli will look like, what foods that we want to serve, specials that we want to have, do we want to serve wine and beer or do we want to just serve tea, coffee, soda, etc.... I know that by the time we are ready we will have made up our minds. We are still discussing our color schemes, what we want our uniforms to look like. In this area we are designing our T-shirts for our employees. Shay and I are going to wear Chef's uniforms with a twist. We also want to use the freshest ingredients possible!!!

Well it has felt good to put my thoughts down and I hope that I can continue to blog.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Scare and Heartbroken

We thought I was having a reoccurence of breast cancer but thank God it is just a lump caused by the previous surgery and my sternum is inflammed, lot of stress caused by not knowing, but thankfully I can continue on with the goals that I have in place.

I am heartbroken because of a decision someone close to me is making and because of something that they said, I couldn't believe it came out of their mouth but it did and now I have to figure out what I am going to do with it and how I am going to address it. I would love to write it all out here on this blog, but as we all know what we put on these blogs is forever out there and I don't want to harm the person that has broken my heart. When they said what they did to me today I just wanted to sit down and die. I told the Lord I was tired, but giving up is not what He wants for me and since I am a fighter I will continue on, but part of me is so tired and I would love to just give up but I won't. Maybe later I will sit down and have a good cry, sometimes crying is a good cleanser. I just shared with my husband what is going on and that helped, but still my heart is heavy, Oh God please intervene before it is to late, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I think everyone faces times when they are bored and I am facing a time of that in my life right now. My husband is out of town and has been for a few weeks, I have read so much during school that I don't really feel like reading, and my job doesn't start for a few more days, I can only clean so much and I can't afford to go do anything so here I sit on this stupid computer bored out of my mind so to speak. It is getting ready to rain so I can't go out and swim and all myn friends are busy. Sometimes life just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I would have taken a summer class on line then I could have been concentrating on something productive. Well before I go on and on about this subject I will end it before it ends up depressing me, surely I can find something construtive to do. I hope!!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Chicago 2010

These are just a few of the pictures from my trip to Chicago. I didn't take any of the trade show that we went to just of the site seeing that we did the day before we left. Chicago is a beautiful city, it reminds me of New York. It has a great park, awesome shopping and of course the lake is beautiful. I love the sky line of the city, the architecture and the people are friendly. Chicago like New York has a lot of culture which is very refreshing for me. We walked all around the city, ate at a great place called the House of Blues on our last night. There are a lot of fabulous places to eat.
We were all exhausted after walking the city on Sunday, but it was worth every step that we took. I am looking forward to going back again, but this time with my husband, we love exploring cities together.
Shay and I caravaned to Chicago with some others from our culinary classes. During this trip we bonded and forged friendships, which is really awesome because we have several classes together next semester. We plan on meeting over the summer as well. Shay and I came back on our own yesterday, stopping at a huge Harley Davidson store on our way back. We made good time and had great weather for traveling. Loved the trip but I am glad to be home. We all plan to go to another convention next year, we just have to decided where we want to go.
I am so glad that I have chosen this field, even if it is later in life. I am learning so much and Chicago just added to my education.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

New York Here I Come

I am off to one of my favorite places, New York!!!! I still have a few weeks before I fly out and I will fly in and see the skyline of my favorite city. By the time I arrive my husband will have been in New York for over three weeks, so I will really be glad to see him. I love being in the city, the architecture is amazing, the skyline is breath taking, especially at night.

When you are in the city you can't help but feel like you are experiencing the world with all the different cultures that are represented there. Foods from so many different countries. The people all have their different customs and languages and yet there are similarities as well. I could just wander the streets in the city for hours, looking in the different shops, neighborhoods and restaurants. In the city no matter what you are wearing you are in fashion, it is the one place in this world where you are allowed to be yourself. You can walk down one block and you will see people dressed to the hilt and others will have pink, green or some other color of hair, covered in tatoos and they each belong. Going to the village is a great place to see people express there art, through paintings, sculpture or even jewelry. There is just so much to see.

One of the things that is great to do is to go through the museums or even the botanical gardens as there are several to choose from. Having choices for different broadway shows is incredible. There is one restaurant in the city where the food is absolutely amazing, we ate there a couple of years ago before we went to a show featuring Martin Short, the name of the restaurant is Bon 45. We had the most amazing meal, our waiter was absolutely the best at what he did and I had the best glass of white wine I have ever had to date. It was a great experience.

New York has great bagels and the shopping is something that you just have to experience. We lived in New York seven years ago and while I enjoyed it I love it more when I can just go and visit because I appreciate all that it has to offer so much more. Although there are things about it that I miss because here in Missouri there is just not a lot to do. I know that eventually we will end up moving, I know it won't be until I finish Culinary School and I hope that it ends up being somewhere warm.

While in the City I will blog more about what I experience this trip and maybe post a couple of pictures. I am so looking forward to going and now to begin to decide what I am going to take with me.

I do know that while I am there I will be visiting some different deli's to get more ideas of what we want to do when we open our own place. This is going to be an incredible trip.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My old room was:

My old room was done in antique furniture, you know the kind with the huge mirror and vanity and drawers on either side. The wood was dark, mahogony in color and then there was a chest of drawers with 2 doors on the top that opened and that is where I keep all of my specials treasures: my journals, perfumes, favorite doll and of course special pieces of jewelry from my grandmothers. My great grandmother gave me powders that came in these metal cans with an opening on top full of small holes for the powder to come out and then it had a small metal lid that fit over the opening. My bed was an old wrought iron metal bed with a feather mattress. My bedspread and curtain where white battenburg lace and I had battenburg lace pillows. My room was the perfect place for me to get away to. It was my safe place, the place where I could go and dream, I could be anyone that I wanted to be. I could be rich or poor. I could be a doctor or someones wife. I could go to my room and write all of my wonderful stories. One day I would be a pilot and fly all over the world, the next day I might choose to be an actress and make movies in exotic places. That was the wonderful thing about my old room no matter what was going on around me I could go into my room and dream about all the possibilities. Some days I even dreamed I was a princess with the crown and everything.

My room was an important place for me, for you see out in the real world bad things had happened to me and I needed a place to go to be safe to escape all of the ugliness that I had been introduced to. I needed to be someone different from who I was and that is why my room was such a special place for me. I can still remember the smell of my room, the smell of the wood, you know it had that old smell. I can still remember the smell of the powders. I threw away all of my old journals because they were full of pain and ugliness and I didn't want anyone to read them.

Today I have a new room and it is just as special. It has new furniture and the colors in my room are gold, coral and some bronze and neutral colored carpet and walls that match and my journals well they are all over the house. I write in different ones about all kinds of things, these days I don't care who reads my journals they are full of hopes, dreams and the healing from all the pain I expereinced as a child. My new room I share with my husband and it is a place of peace and of love. I still go to my room and dream about all the possibilities that are before me and I know that I can be whoever I want to be, the possibilities are endless. Today I can go into my room and dream about the goals that I am setting for myself knowing that they are attainable. Today when I go into my room I take myself and I stay myself, I don't have to pretend to be someone else. Oh in this life you will always experience pain but now the pain doesn't control me anymore, today it propels me towards continued healing.

For those of you who have just read the story, it is a story, with some truth mixed in.


The sun is shining, the birds are singing and there is a nice breeze this morning. I am sitting here at the dining room table with the windows open listening to nature and having a wonderful cup of coffee. I am mentally preparing a list of all that I hope to accomplish today. I have paid the bills and they are ready for the mailbox. I have laundry started, so next on the list is the kitchen and then my room and then the floors. After I have finished my inside list I am going outside to plant my herbs. There is nothing better than cooking with fresh herbs. I still need to get some terragon, savory and thyme. I love the smell of the herbs, especially basil.

I love summer, warm weather and the water. I probably should live in Florida or some island where it is warm all the time, because I really don't like winter. When I was in the Army I was stationed in Washington State where it rains alot, although I survived while I was there going up on Mt Rainer, cleaning up after Mt St Helen, I still prefer the warmth. I love the ocean, the sound it makes as it is coming in. It reminds me of the power of the Holy Spirit. I love the vastness of the ocean. I can stand and look out at the ocean for hours. I can spend hours on the beach just listening or reading a book. I love to take walks on the beach, especially with my husband. If all goes well I will be going to New York in a few weeks and we will go walking on the beach.

Life is good when the sun comes out. I know that we need rain, I wish it would rain while we are sleeping and the sun could be out when we are awake, but I guess that would only happen in a perfect world and while we are part of this world, perfect is just our own ideas and perceptions.

Well, as much as I would love to just sit here and write today I do have things that need to be done and while I am motivated to get them done I had better get started. I hope everyone that stops by to share my ramblings will enjoy today as much as I intend to.

Love to you all and may God's face shine upon yours.

Monday, May 17, 2010


Here I was looking forward to the semester to be over and to have a break and I am bored. With the rain I can't hang outside, my husband is working in New York and my job hasn't started yet. I don't feel like reading right now, it is to hot to crochet and I can't go walking, so here I sit bored.

Tomorrow I can look forward to laundary, cleaning house and weather permitting I am going for a nice long leisurely walk. I am going to enjoy the sunshine. I probably should have taken one class this summer. There really isn't anything on TV worth watching, it is a bunch of brain numbing nonsense. I should be able to plant my herbs and vacuum the pool. None of this sounds all that fun, but at least I will have some things to keep me busy. Maybe I will choose a writing prompt and write a story, that is not something that I usually do. Who knows it could be the start of a book or a short story.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Tough Times

It still seems to be the season for tough times. Our government, well that is a whole other blog. But our economy is still down, so much so my husband has had to travel to another state to work, he has been gone for a week already and I am so bored I can hardly stand it, usually when he is gone I have much to do and I enjoy my time alone, not so much this time. I will be glad when things in our country turn around so that families won't have to struggle the way they are now. I hope when my husband returns that he will have plenty of work and won't have to go elsewhere to work. I am thankful for my trip coming up this week-end because then I will be busy and with several people from school. Well that is all have have to say on this subject tonight, it is time to go to sleep.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Rain, Rain go away come back another day. I do believe that we have had enough rain, our pool is about to over flow, I may have to go backwash it in the rain. I am so ready for some sunshine and really warm weather and oh, some blue sky would be wonderful. Our back yard is full of water, our puppies don't want to go outside to do their business, so it is a wee wee pad day.

I love the rain and I know that it is good for our garden, we have already gotten spinach out of, but I wish some of the rain would wait until it is starting to get dry this summer. I do love the smell after the rain, everything smells so fresh and clean. The grass is greenier, our trees and flowers look awesome. Even with the rain as I sit here on the couch and look out the livingroom window the front yard is beautiful, our Weeping Willow is full and lush, our Dogwood is blooming and our Japenese Maples are full, you can't even see through the leaves, the color is such a deep dark redish burgundy.

The colors in the rainbows are awesome, plus the rainbow reminds us of the covenant that God gave to us of never flooding the world again and of course that promise holds so much more. I hope to see one today. I hope the rain moves out soon. I guess this is one way to get my car washed, but I really would love to be able to sit outside and journal, drink a glass of iced tea and just ponder my future.

Rain is a good thing, but I think that we have had enough for now, come on sunshine!!!!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Next week Shay and I leave for Chicago for 4 days for the National Restaurant Association Show, there is going to be so much to see, so much information to gather, people to meet, I am really looking forward to going. We are also going with a group of people from school so we will have a great time. A few of us are leaving early and going to the Arch and the casino before continuing our journey.

After the NRA Shay and I are going to do a little site seeing while we are there. We are going to google and see exactly what we want to see and maybe do a little shopping. I know that we will get to eat some really good food which I am looking forward to.

Next year the NRA event is in Las Vegas so we are already planning on going, hopefully our husbands will be able to go with us, it could be a great little get away.

Hopefully when I come back from Chicago I will have alot to blog about. I hope we are able to find vendors that we want to work with and get a chance to look at equipment that we could possibly put into our business.

Hopes and Dreams

Most of us have hopes and dreams. I know that I do. I am going to school in order to pursue one of my hopes, one of my dreams. I just finished my first year of culinary arts. I still have at least 3 semesters to go, already I have learned alot and in the process have learned that I have much more to learn. I love to cook and have always wanted to experiment more than I have, but sometimes the budget dictates what you can do. This summer I plan on practicing on my family and friends, so that I am more prepared for next semester. I have purchased a couple of books that I plan on reading this summer, especially when I am out by the pool.

In the midst of all of my hopes and dreams is a little bit of fear but I plan on doing it afraid. My daughter and I want to open a particular type of deli, we already have most of the menu planned, the decor, the employee manual and a few other things, so we are getting ourselves ready. What happens if we can't open our own place because of the economy or other reasons, then we have a great skill to use in other places. With this type of training we can live anywhere.

I really do want to see out place become a success and fill a niche that no one else around here is filling. There are foods from the east coast that I miss and that I would really like to share with this area. I hope to see things change in the future so that our economy is better so that our dream can become a reality.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


I think whoever came up with the idea that students needed to take finals and to have more stress added to their lives must of had a hole in their head. What do finals really accomplish??? It really isn't an accurate view of what the students have learned through the semester. Why do I say that well because most students are memorizing the information, going to go regurgitate it up onto the final and walk away and not remember half of what they just wrote on the final. However if you take that same student and put things in a more practical sense you would find that they have learned alot throughout the semester.

For example I am having to memorize a sauce chart half of the names which I can't even pronounce, have no idea how to make them and yet it is part of my final, now I ask you what sense does that make, what is that really contributing to my education, now if you wanted me to demonstrate what I have learned in class I could do that I could write a paper about what I have learned. Oh, I will study and do my best on the finals, but they still make absolutely no sense to me. I am watching my daughter trying to juggle work, school, studying for finals, take care of her husband and daughter and then trying to find 5 minutes a day just for herself and she needs to memorize information that she is not going to remember like we all need another hole in the head. Sometimes I do wonder what the hell people were thinking when they put all of this together.

It is true not all instructors are teachers. Here I am paying to learn so that I can change my life and I have instructors that aren't concerned about what I have learned but they are concerned with the next test that I am to take, there really is something wrong with this picture, with this system. I think the system needs to be more concerned with making sure I learned that false testing and a GPA. I take the testing seriously, I have already taken one final and I aced it and because of that instructor he tested us over things that we actually learned. I have to take a math final on wednesday and I have been given so many different formulas sometimes 2 or 3 a week over the last 15 weeks and I am suppose to remember all of them, plus how to change my calculator back and forth, it saddens me to say that when that test is over half of what I am cramming for will be lost, it is a damn good thing that I have a great accountant.

Well I guess this is enough of this, can you tell I have spent most of my day studying and wondering just exactly how this is helping me. What will you find me doing tomorrow on Mother's day, well after I cook lunch for my mom and mother-in-law I will be spending the rest of the day studying, for you see I have not 1 but 3 finals on Monday, yeah for me. God help me!!!

I honestly don't see the purpose in the way they have things set up because it is not a true compass for what we really know. This is my opinion and I stand by it.

Monday, May 3, 2010


This has been a good experience for me. I have enjoyed using writing prompts, they have helped when I just felt devoid of anything to write about. Because of my schedule I couldn't write at the same time everyday, but my best time of all were in the mornings, I wish I could work on my computer outside because I seem to reflect best when I am outside. I am learning to write about things from different perspectives. This experience has caused me to draw from different areas of myself. I don't blog well when I am sick, which happened to me this last week-end.

I intend to keep blogging and improving my writing skills. I will also continue to use writing prompts to challenge myself. I think this would have been a better experience for me if I didn't have so many other classes and could have had more time to blog. I do have my journals that I am writing in as well and they have changed. Now I have my blog, my prayer journal and my personal journal which will be for my husband and my family to share when I have left this earth.

I am thankful for this experience I know that it will continue to benefit me throughout the rest of my life.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Here we are at the end of another semester and I am at the end of blogging as part of an assignment, from here on I will be blogging because I want to, who knows what I will write about but I am sure that I will continue. Over the summer I hope to have more time to blog, since I won't have assignments to do on top of it. I know my writings are changing, even my thought process is changing, this has been a good thing for me.

Food Poisoning

I went to Art Walk yesterday and while we were out we went to a local restaurant where I had a chicken sandwich and shortly there after I was sick, I ended up spending the rest of the day in bed and most of today, not the way I wanted to spend my weekend, especially since I really needed to study for my finals that are coming up. I hope to never have food poisoning again, it totally ruins things. I sure didn't want any chicken today and maybe not for several days. Well that is all that I have to say on this subject.

Friday, April 30, 2010


We live in an area where spring storms are prevelant and today is know exception, we have storms moving into the area. With spring storms there is always a chance of hail, golf ball size to baseball size, strong winds and tornado's. I have only been through an actual tornado when I was a child, I have been around them, had friends lose material things, we have helped clean up after a tornado, but thankfully I have never lost anyone in a tornado. I love the smell of rain and the sounds of storms but I hate the devistation that is caused by storms. I love the rainbows that come after the storms reminding us of the promise that God gave to us. The sound of rain is very relaxing, I love to sleep when it is raining, it is harder to sleep when it is storming, especially if the wind is blowing things around outside, thankfully we have a basement and when there are warnings that is where you will find us, watching TV, sleeping or playing a game, doing things to take our minds off of the storm. I do hate driving in storms and I may have to today, especially since we have family coming for dinner. I wish the storms would go around us.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


I have been sitting here studying for my final in Communication. I wonder how many of us ever really think about how many different ways we communicate and in those ways how many different ways we accent our communication. We communicate verbally and non-verbally, using our body language, our eyes, vocal tones, distance and more. With our communication we show love and understanding, we can intimidate others, we can share stories, as well as our hopes and dreams. Through communication we can educate others and we can bring healing into others lives.

It is through communication that I am sitting here writing this blog and learning more about communication with every word that I am typing. It is through communication that we teach our children.

As I was writing my notes on communication I realize that there are dimensions in communicating. Writing can be 2-3 dimensional depending on the description within the writing, but communicating with someone via a chat room or email that is 2 dimensional and is missing something. Voice inflection and body language is important in communication, it is important to hear the tone and to see the sincerity in the eyes of the ones communicating.

It is through communicating that we often miss communicate or we miss understand what the other person is trying to say, or they say something and we think they mean something else. Communication is a tricky business, but it is awesome.

I communicate with my granddaughter everyday and she says more with her smiles and her laughs than a lot of adults do with their many words.

Communication is really a great gift to all of us, where would we be without it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Can't Sleep

Ever had one of those nights when you just couldn't sleep, even when you knew you had an early morning. This is the second one for me this week. I couldn't sleep Sunday night because my mind was to busy preparing my cooking final in my head and I was shaking off all the negative thoughts that were trying to invade my brain. Tonight I can't sleep for a few reasons. Tomorrow I have my baking final plus a quiz. I checked my English grade and there are two assignments that I did and turned in that my instructor didn't give me credit for which has lowered my grade and I have emailed her but haven't heard back, so that is adding stress to an already stressful time of finals. My communication final is going to be a bear, I studied for four hours tonight and still have 14 chapters to go. Then to top all of it off my legs decided to start jerking as I was trying to sleep, so here I sit at my computer hoping that I can relax enough to go back in my room lay down and get a few hours sleep before I have to get up. At least with missing out on my sleep on Sunday I got an A on my cooking final, so missing sleep was worth it. Hopefully tomorrow I will get my English grade straightened out and over the week-end I will finsh preparing for my other finals. Oh and I still have a speech to do, I am hoping to get that done this week-end as well. I am ready for summer break. I have enjoyed this semester, but I am ready to give my brain a break, start my new job and then start back at school in the fall. I am really looking forward to the classes I am taking in the fall and I am sure that I will miss out on more sleep, but I have a goal and I am moving towards it. Sleep, Sleep, or how I am ready for sleep. Good night all!!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


There are many ways in which to think about the word preparing. We prepare for our day, we prepare for a presentation, we prepare our food and for me I am preparing for my finals. I can't believe this semester is almost over. This week-end my daughter and I prepared for our cooking final which is at 8 am tomorrow morning. We practiced filleting fish, different sauces and such. When we were done the kitchen was a mess, it was to small an area for all that was going on but we managed and cleaned it up. Our husbands enjoyed dinner very much, cleaning their plates.

Today, I prepared everything that I want to take with me in the morning, certain spices, shallots, garlic and more. I pressed my uniform and packed my knives. I made out my lists, so I am as ready as I can be for my final.

I am preparing for my other finals as well by studying. I have loved this semester but now I am preparing to enjoy my summer break, although I will be working, that has rewards all in its own.

I think for tonight this is all I have to say on this subject.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Playing Washer and Arguing

This is a story I put together in Comp. class off of two index cards.

My husband and I were out on the lawn playing washers and I was winning of course. We were discussing many topics and the afternoon was going along swimmingly until the topic of people at the age of 50 or older having to take a drivers liscense retest. My husband who is not yet 50 started laughing hysterically saying why of course if your over 50 you should have to retake your test and I yelled at him saying that is absurd, (throwing a washer and overthrowing it) I can drive perfectly fine and I am over 50. He begin saying stupid things like: when you get older your reflexes slow down, your eye site isn’t as good and you know your memory begins to go too (throwing his washer and it landing in the box. I came back at him rather loudly that I agreed that those things happened with people over the age of 65 (throwing another washer and over shooting it once again), but it would be ludicris to test everyone at the age of 50 because most of us are just beginning to live, applying all the things that we have been learning in life and look at this age I am helping teach our son how to drive, especially off of the grass. He continues to laugh and throws another washer, hitting the mark). Now keep in mind that will we are arguing the game continues on and I keep missing which is making me all the madder, I am getting louder and more frustrated, so my husband is having a great laugh at my expense. Then he comes up with this hair brained idea for me to take the test to prove my point and yes you know I am all about that, so we agree that the following Friday I would take the test and you know I will pass, (we are betting a steak dinner on this one) because at 50 there is no reason that you are not still capable of driving. We continued to play washers and he won the game, but the war is far from over.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

26th Anniversary

Today my husband and I are celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary. In the years that we have been together we have overcome many obstacles and I can truthfully say that we are more in love today than the day we got married. We have learned to celebrate life together and to enjoy those special moments in life, like: the birth of our children, their first words, first steps, their first day of school, our daughters weddings, the birth of our granddaughter, buying our first home, and there are so many other memories that I could share here but it would take pages and pages. There were times in our marriage that I wouldn't have wished it upon anyone, it was those days of growing, struggling and changing and now I hope that others have a wonderful marriage like I do, this marriage I would wish upon others. Today I woke up to this card:

For My Wife
Anywhere with you is my favorite place to be...
I love the closeness we share-
and all the ways you keep me falling more and more in love with you...
I love sharing everything with you-
my partner, my friend, the one who means everything to me.
Happy Anniversary

(These first 26 years have only been the beginning of what we have. I'm so excited for the next 26)
What wife's heart wouldn't melt with that!!!!!!!!!!

I have a husband that continues to grow and change, one that works hard to provide for his family. One that will admit mistakes. We laugh together, we've cried together, but mostly we live life together. We have lived our wedding vows and it hasn't always been easy, but it sure has been worth it.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

My Tatoo

This is my first and only tattoo (for now). This tattoo has a lot of meaning for me. The rose symbolizes Christ to me, who is the center of my life, without Him I would not be where I am today, nor would I be who I am today. The banner with the name Randy is for my wonderful husband and the pink ribbon of course stands for finding a cure for breast cancer. So when you put them all together it comes to this: 2 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and instead of my world crashing in on me, I grabbed hold of my faith (in Christ) and began the journey of healing. I prayed and I stood and I had surgery. My husband was with me through every doctors appointment, biopsies, surgeries and recovery. He was with me as we prayed and believed. He was with me when I would break down and cry and He was with me when they told us that I didn't have caner anymore and Christ was with us every step of the way. My tattoo is my way of saying thank you to Christ and to my husband, the ribbon is to remind me what I am saying thank you for. Every time I see it I remember the journey, but mostly I remember the victory. I am blessed, not perfect, but blessed. After this journey through cancer my husband and I are so much closer and we were close before. We appreciate the little things about each other, do we still argue, of course, it's fun to make up. We remember that life could come to an end with one diagnoses so we appreciate every moment that we have together and Tuesday we will be celebrating 26 years together. I know that many women are not as fortunate as I am, that they not only lose their health but their husbands as well, so I am always thankful for all that I have been blessed with.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Dog or Cats

Dogs are the best, I have 2 of them. Sophie is 2 and 1/2 pound Teacup Yorkie and Chief is an 85-90 pound German Shepherd. They are the best. I keep a Sophie's hair up in a ponytail. My granddaughter Zoey loves Chief, every time she comes upstairs she has to see Chief, she wants to see Chief while she is eating. She comes to have us pick her up just so that she can see Chief and Chief comes to the fence so that Zoey can see him.

Zoey is real gentle with Sophie and they chase each other around the living room, it is hilarious. Sophie of course is a lap dog, she wants to be with her people all the time. She thinks anyone that comes over to our home comes to see her and she will do whatever she can to get their attention.
I have a pink purse to carry Sophie around in, the only problem is that she gets car sick really easily and I have to give her dogie Dramamine if I want to take her with me, unless we go in our friend RV and then she is fine. She loves other dogs we just have to be careful because if they step on her that would be the end of her.

My husband wants a Harley and right now we are working towards one, so in the meantime I went and bought Sophie along with a T-shirt for dogs that said Harley Davidson on it, I put it on her and when my husband came home I handed Sophie to him and said here honey here is your Harley, of course we had a good laugh.

I so prefer Dogs over cats, I don't want an animal that uses a litter box and then jumps up on the table I eat our meals on or the cabinets that I prepare food on, even though I have disinfected them I still don't like the idea. Our dogs bring much joy to our family and I wouldn't want to be without one. I wish Sophie didn't get sick because I would love to take her with me all the time. I could even bring her to class and no one would know that I had her with me because she is so quiet. I will have to add pictures of my dogs to this Blog.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Have you ever thought about the fact that your friends are the family that you get to chose. Many of us have so called family out there that don't even really know us, but then want to tell us what to do or judge what we are doing just because we are related by blood. Our friends however are those that take the time to get to know us, who share in our ups and our downs, who will take the time to pour into our lives and allow us to pour into theirs.

I am truly blessed to have friends that take the time to build a meaningful relationship with me, their are those who have been with me through some major struggles in my life, breast cancer being one of them (I had family who never even called to talk to me, with the lame excuse they didn't want to bother me) and those same friends are cheering me on as I am going to college at age 50 (while some of my family just wants to give me crap because I got a grant).

These friends of mine have loved me even when I have made mistakes, but so called family have sat back in judgement. I say shame on them. As you can tell I am still working through some of my feelings about some of my family, it is safe to say that I am truly pissed off at some of them. It would be nice if that could just be happy for us, because we have a full and meaningful life, but all of this is part of life, so you just have to decide how you are going to respond to it, at times it is like the grieving process and there are stages that you have to go through and right now I am in a little bit of a rough stage with some of it because of some recent events, so what I have to say is this, thank God for true friends. Thank God for those who will pick up the phone and call and say ok what is going on, because they have noticed that you have retreated or they will call and say let do lunch or some such thing, that means alot. Now don't get me wrong I have some family that does that too ( I won't say who because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings).

My friends know who they are and I just want to say to them Thank You and I love you and I can't wait to see where the next leg of our journey takes us.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Dear Shane

My dearest brother,

I can't believe that you have been gone since 1986. I still remember you like yesterday, your sense of humor, how you looked, but I can't remember your voice or your laugh, which makes me sad. I remember the ride I took in your MG and on some of your motorcycles, but not the one that took you from us. I wish you would have been here to meet my other children, however I did name my middle daughter after you, she has your sense of humor. You would be proud of how my life has turned around. I finished High School, I have been clean for 25 years and I am in college with my daughter who is named after you. Hopefully when I get to heaven I will be able to share these things with you. Bubba I am getting ready to celebrate my 26th wedding anniversary. So much has happened in my life since you were taken from us that I wish I could share with you. I don't walk around grieving but there are day when I still miss you so very much. God has been really good to me and my life is full, I just wish you were here to share it with. I still think of you as my big little brother because of all the times that you were there for me. I fought cancer and won, I fought addiction and won, and today as I am sitting here writing this to you I am healthy, healed and whole. I hope that you know this. It is hard for me to know what you are allowed to know up there in heaven or even if it matters. At least I know my 2 children that are in heaven as well are with God and you, I can't wait to meet them. I have been in contact with my birthson and hopefully someday you will get to meet him to, depends on the road that his life takes. We have a beautiful granddaughter that you would adore. I have been in touch with Donna and she has turned into a fine young woman, you would still love her, she has remarried and is happy, so I know that you would be happy for her. Our sister is still a mess but hopefully she will get herself straightened out soon, she is on her way, at least I think so. Well bud I miss you and I love you and I look forward to seeing you again.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Pool

I spend as much time as possible out at our pool in the summer. I read, I journal and I reflect as I lay out in the pool. When I was a Youth Pastor I use to get some of my best words for the youth when I was our at the pool. We try and have BBQ's during the summer, swim and just build relationships, of course as our kids were growing up the neighborhood kids knew where the pool was and of course we shared. I will lay in the pool and look up at the sky and try to imagine what God was thinking when He created this earth, and how He created the sun to feel as warm as it does upon our bodies and to kiss it ever so genly with just the right amount of color. I look up at the clouds to see what shapes that I can find in them. Over the years I have discovered that my pool is the best prayer closet that I have. I know that God is everywhere but I feel closer to Him when I am outside. This year it will be really special because our granddaughter is old enough to really have fun in it and we have some special floaties for her. I love being ourside in the pool, I gues that is why in the summer I get up early even if I don't have to so that I can get my housework done and what ever else needs to be done so that I can go outside. I love to sit outside on the deck and have my coffee in the mornings and if it is warm enough I will stick my feet into the pool and just enjoy the morning. I am choosing to take this summer off from school so that I can enjoy the pool, because once I finish school and open our business we will be busy for many hours a day, so I will enjoy while I can.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Ocean

One of my favorite places to be is on the beach. I love the sound of the ocean and looking out upon its vastness. I can hear the power that is within the waves as they come rolling in and there is no sound as beautiful to me as the sound of the ocean. I love looking out and the ocean seems as though it goes on forever.

I can spend hours just looking out on the ocean. I love to just lay on the beach, read a book and enjoy the sounds and the smell. My husband and I love to take long walks on the beach, I guess at some point we should move somewhere there is a beach. Watching a sunset on the beach is spectacular. We try and go to the beach once a year.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday Breakfast

We have chosen not to go to organized church anymore so we go to breakfast with a group of friends and work on building our relationships, this includes our relationship with God, because He is invited to be in the center of all that we do. Our favorite place to go is a little restaurant downtown called "lilly's". The have a breakfast special every Sunday and they have some great Mexican dishes for breakfast as well. We are usually there for a couple of hours and we either go through a few pots of coffee or a few pitchers of tea, depending on the weather. We love the atmosphere there and we can sit outside in the spring and summer months. We went to Lilly's this morning and I had one of the Mexican dishes called, "Chichilles"(I know that isn't spelled right) needless to say it taste better than my spelling. We took our granddaughter Zoey with us and of course she was entertaining us all, my mom joined us too and that was nice. Going to Sunday Breakfast with our friends is a great way to start the day and one of the best things about this is that we are all ourselves, we are sharing our lives, who we really are, the good, the bad and all the inbetween. It made it much easier to come home and finish the mountain of homework that I have. Believe it or not I only have to finish this blog and to study for a test and I am done for the day. Well I guess this is really all I have to say on this subject so until later.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Weekends don't really exist for me right now, relaxing ones anyway. With all the homework that I have, plus cleaning house, doing laundry and trying to spend time with my husband and my children I can't seem to find to much time just to relax. It is now almost 3pm on Saturday and this is the first time that I have sat down since I got up this morning at 7:30. House is cleaned, laundry is going, grocery shopping is done and here I sit writing this blog which is part of my homework this weekend. I still have math to do and study for a pretty big test on Monday and oh yes I don't want to forget that I have Human Communication yet to do. I feel a little spent, but I only have a few more weeks and then I am taking the summer off, although I am going to look for a job in a restaurant, but hopefully only part time, I still want to have some time to just have fun before I start the fall semester. I don't begrudge all that is on my plate right now because it has purpose in my life and it is something that a few years ago I didn't think I would ever get to do. There is still alot ahead of us, but I think that we will be a little more prepared. At least I know in a couple of weeks I won't be doing much because my husband and I are going away to celebrate our anniversary and the house and homework will have to wait, because we are important too. Well that is all I have for today, I am off to do math before I begin preparing dinner.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Hardest Decision I Ever Made

In August of 1982 I placed my birthson in the arms of another family, trusting that they would raise him with love and good morals. As I placed my son into his new mothers arms I looked at both the mother and father and I said, love him. I then walked away and got into the car with my mom and cried, wondering if I would ever see him again. Over the years I thought of him often, wondering what his life was like, if he was happy, if he had everything that he needed, did he feel loved, how it was affecting him knowing that I had placed him up for adoption. If I had it over to do again would I, knowing what I know now, no I wouldn't I would raise him myself. It was good for him but it has been really hard on me. I wish I could of shared the love I have for him with him. I know that it was the right decision at the time, but you don't realize how it is going to affect you for the rest of your life.

I have been blessed to have made contact with my birthson whose name is Russ and we have communicated through email, FB and Myspace, but that is only two dimensional and I desire a three dimensional relationship, but he isn't ready and I accept that. He is pro adoption now because he realizes that I chose life for him. He has had a good life with bumps in the road like the rest of us, when I saw a picture of him for the first time I couldn't believe how much he looks like me.

Even though I didn't raise him, I miss him and I think only a mother who has placed a child up for adoption can understand exactly what I mean. I am so thankful to know that he is happy and healthy and is having a good life. Do I agree with everything in his life, no, but he is an adult and has the right to choose and I do need to respect that.

I believe that adoption is hard, but it is the best thing that you can do for a life growing inside of you instead of ending that life. I am glad that I gave Russ the chance to live and love life.

I don't think I will ever make a decision that is any harder than chooing to allow someone else to raise my child.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


One of my favorite things to use as accent pieces in my home is pottery. Pottery of all types and colors. We took our living room to a very nuetral pallette so that we could add color through the accent pieces. I have used green, blue, gold, several shades of brown and terra cotta. There is a plant shelf in my livingroom and instead of putting plants or pictures my is full of pottery. My favorite coffee mug is a piece of pottery that friends of mine gave me for my 50th birthday. Whenever we sell this house and move in a couple of years I am not sure what I will do with all of my pottery pieces, but I am sure that I will come up with something. Whenever we travel we look for new pieces to add to our collections. I love pieces made by American Indians with all of their traditional artwork and colors incorporated. I don't own the pieces that are on this blog, but I sure would like to, they would work in the grand scheme of things. My daughter would love to learn to make pottery, she is always on the lookout for a potters wheel and a kiln, hopefully one day I will be displaying the pieces that she has made. As I am sitting here blogging about my love for pottery I really have no idea where that love has come from, maybe my heritage or maybe one day a piece just caught my eye and well as they say the rest is history. I am sure when we open our Deli we will proudly display a few pieces.

Monday, April 5, 2010


I love purses and if I could I would buy a new purse every week. My favorite is a Coach, but even with that I only like certain Coach purses, then I like Kate Spade, Louis Vuitton, Prada and of course Dooney & Burke and then there are those that I don't even know the name of the designer, but I love the style of the purse. I would prefer to have a purse to match each outfit that I wear. I own more black purses than any other color, because black will go with anything. Last summer I bought a bright yellow purse and I carried it until i wore it out and had to throwit away. I have a few purses (backpack styl) that I bought when I lived in New York and I carry them when I go to visit and am going to be walking around the city, it makes things much easier. When I go to the city I try to buy at least 2 purses and more if possible, I carry them for a while and then give them away. My purses are all shapes and sizes, I carry a small purse if we go out somewhere at night. My least favorite color for a purse is red and I don't own a single red purse. My next purse will be a Kathy Van Zeeland, I haven't decided what color it is going to be, but I know that it will be faily large to accomodate all the things that I like to carry. I like to have wallets to match, but I don't always do that because I get tired of changing the contents from one wallet to another, but it is time for a new one, one that will hold pictures and my checkbook as well. I like to buy purses as gifts if I really know the style of someone. I do have a limit on how much I will spend on one, but that is for me to know and not share. One of the nice things about purses is that you can keep all of your necessities in them and then add snacks for your kids or grandkids. I think that this is enough about purses for one day, what do you think.

Drown Your Sorrows

I use to live my life trying to drown my sorrows, either through alcohol or drugs, trying to run from my problems, only to discover that I was creating more problems. I faced some really hard challenges in my life that created a lot of pain. I didn't trust anyone, because one of the people in my life that should have kept me safe, someone that I should have been able to trust, turned my world upside down and so I didn't want to feel the pain, so over time I ended up doing drugs and drinking. So instead of drowning my sorrows, the sorrows started piling up on one another. I created so many other problems and my family suffered from the choices that I was making trying to run from the problems that others had created for me. I am so glad to not feel like I have to drown my sorrows any longer. There are so many people out there who are trying to drown their sorrows one drink at a time, which turns into one bottle at a time or one pill at a time, not realizing they are destroying their lives, their health and those that are around them.

It has been 25 years since I have lived my life this way. I have experienced so much healing in my life now, that I face my problems head on.

A Belief That I Have Discarded

For years I was under the delusion that in order to serve God that you had to go to an organized church, that to truly serve God you had to be in church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night and just about any other time the church doors were open. With this mind set I just about wore myself completly out. Not only was I in church all the time, but because I was on staff I had to be at staff meeting and any other meeting that came up and then one day I read a book by George Barna and another man called "Pagan Christianity" and then I read "The Shack" by Wm P Young and then another book followed called, "So YOu Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore" by Wayne Jacobsen and all of the sudden a light bulb went off so to speak and I relized that I was caught up in religion instead of relationship, that I was so busy about doing work for God, that God was getting left behind, so my husband and I talked and made the decision to leave the world of organized church and to begin pursuing a real intimate relationship with God. Now you may be asking how is that working for you and my answer is, it is working amazingly well. I have more freedom than I had ever experienced in church, I have a deeper more meaningful relationship with God and as a direct result of that I have deeper relationships with my family and my friends. I understand more what it means to be blessed, I understand more the price that Christ paid for me. I have experienced more opportunities to share my relationship with God than I ever did in organized church. I am being the church like Christ intended instead of going to a church built by the hands of man. I know that organized church has it's place, it had it's place in my life at one point, but it is not where I belong at this junction in my life. I belong right where I am at. It is amzing the turns my relationships with people have taken, it was painful at first when people walked out of my life when they couldn't get anything from me any longer, they couldn't ride on my coat tails, it was time for them to stand on their own two feet and not on mine. I love my life and I love God.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Interpretation of Slang Story

The young man was low man in the army and he got drunk after dark. He kept calling everyone and telling everyone to slow down when they wanted to get him to finish his story. He was a real silly person and everyone knew he was going to have a real bad morning because he was going to throw up all that he drank. All night long he kept falling on the dance floor acting like a real and people were tired of his of his and they were just relaxing at the bar, as the night wore on you could tell he was really drinking because everyone became his brother and all the ladies were nice and he was asking perfect strangers it they had drugs. Well he threw-up on the way home and the had to be carried into the house, he was really hallucinating because someone gave him some drugs and he was going on and on like a . He was acting really crazy and well he was acting like he was really tough. Damn he was farting as they took him into his room to throw him on his bed, then he started telling everyone to go away and then in the next breat he would ask them if any one had any meat. He keep asking everyone if they had and crystal meth, say man it will make you feel , damn and for sure. He finally passed out and everyone left.
He got up the next morning and his hair was all over the place and his breath smelled like shit. He looked at himself in the mirrow and thought to himself I am a real fool. Dame, I threw up in car on the way home last night, that was sick. I thought I was better than that. He looked around his neck to see a lot of gold and diamonds and wondered where that had come from, then he said to himself that is just crazy. He also noticed that his fake tan was fading.
He decided that he would go back to the bar that night

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Slang Story: The Dude

This dude was a grunt in the army and he got hammered after dark-thirty. He kept calling everyone dawg and telling them to hold your horses when they wanted to get him to finish his story. He was a real schmuck and everyone knew he was going to have a real crappy morning cuz he was going to barf up all that he drank. All night long he kept slippin on the dance floor acting like a real goober and people were tired of his schiznits and that were just chillin at the bar, as the night wore on you could tell he was really drinking because everyone became his bro, all the ladies were sweet and he was askin perfect strangers if they had dope.
Well, puked on the way home and the noob had to be carried into the house, he was really trippin because someone gave him some smack and he was going on and on like a battle-rattle. He was acting really wacky and jeez he was acting like he was really bad. Dang he sharting as they took him into his room to throw him on his bed, then he started telling everyone to groway and then in the next breath he would ask them “got beef”l. He keep asking everyone if they had any crack, saying man it will make you feel tubular, dang and fo’ sho’. He finally passed out and everyone left.
He got up the next morning and his hair was all nappy and his breath smelled like crap. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought to himself I am a real cracker jack. Dang I pucked in the car on the way home last night, that was sick. I thought I was more rad than that. He looked around his neck to see a lot of bling and wondered where that had come from, then he said to himself that is just wacky. He also noticed that his fake bake was faded.
He decided that he would go back to the bar that night to find out what all had happened, so he walked in calling out to everyone, hey ya’ll I’m back fill give be the 5-o on what happed last night, and they told him he had been acting like a haji. Phwea I thought I had been acting ary like my homie over there at the bar, but it seems I was just being a cracker, then he turned around to his buddies and said anitcha a cowhead or something, it’s a dang good thing the fuzz didn’t pull us over last night or we would have ended up in church, man last night was just phat, it’s a bummer I don’t remember it all, just bits a pieces. He said that he was glad that he still had oll of his digits, he was glad he still could bounce, he was disappointed that he had yacked, oh dang I am a fool, he decided he was all shopped out. He said to himself I am such a shizzle and crap that is illy, drinking till you puck. Man going out and getting wasted is dope, totally dope. Hey yo lets go do it again he started yellin at his friends, and then he started talking all gansta. We are all suck noobs, uh-oh it’s a good thing I am not into otaku or I really would have my breaces in a broseph, you all know Im down.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Native American Holiday

I was given an assignment in my English Composition class to create a holiday. The holiday I have chosen to create is Celebrate Native Americans. I think they should be celebrated, they are after all the ones that were living in this great country of ours first. I am biased on this subject because I am Native American 3/4 anyway. My great great great great grandfather is Chief Cochise and I am from the tribe of the Chiricahua Apaches. There is much about our Native American brothers and sisters to be celebrated and remembered. Our cultures are intertwined.

The day I chose to celebrate this holiday is June 8th, that is the day Cochise slipped into eternity. I am sure there are other great dates that could be chosen but this one is special to me.

The symbols for this Holiday would be a Peace Pipe.

This holiday would incorporate parades with all of the tribes represented, followed by a big meal in town squares or community centers, anywhere that could hold a large number of people. With meals of typical Indian fair being served and a handout on each of the dishes being served so that everyone would know what they are eating and why it is being served. Then there would be a time for some of the Natives to share stories and a time of dancing around a campfire. Having games for the children, targets set up for practice with a bow and arrow, horse rides for children. Indian dress, jewelry, baskets, blankets and more for sell, especially their pottery for others to enjoy and to help support the Natives to have a better life. There could even be a station set up so that children could have their faces painted to experience what that was like.

Traditions that I hope that would come from this is for those of us in this country and those that belong to a tribe would sit around and share their heritage or the stories that they know from when the Indians were able to roam this land as free men and women. I would hope that plays would be put on depicting the history of the Native Americans.

I have this wonderful picture in my head of what I would hope this day would look like but I can't seem to find the words to do it justice.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Future

I look at this picture to my left and realize that I am on the way to fulfilling one of the desires of my heart. I have loved cooking for for as long as I can remember and I love creating something for family and friends to sample. I may look at recipes but I always have to add my own little twist, to make the dish mine. Adding an extra spice, a different meat, or even a different sauce to an old standby makes for some pretty interesting dishes.
My daughters and I are having a ladies only party this Saturday and we will be creating some new fingerfoods for the ladies to sample.
The closer I come to finishing this semester the more real this all is beginning to feel. We already have friends that are going to help us put our business plan together, the menu is coming along as well as the decor of the deli. We have already decided on some of our suppliers and their is more to come. In my head I am already planning the layout of the deli, the pre-opening dinner for family and friends (invitation only). My daughter and I are going to name a few things on our menu after some people that are close to us. Our Deli is named after my daughter Shalyn and my stake is all of this is to do something alongside my daughter. My other children and I will find our special place as well, but for now this is on the front burner. We have a plan and we are working our plan. Even our grades in school are good, speaking to both of us the importance of what we are doing for our future.
I haven't been this excited about anything since getting married and having my children. I am looking forward to the day that we can open the doors on the deli and begin serving. Shay and I have already decided that service will be key and so will working, in other words if you would like a paycheck then we would like for you to work for it, we aren't in to paying employees for standing around texting and talking on their phones, that will be fine on their breaks but not on our dime (so to speak), it amazes me when you go into restaurants and you see the employees just standing around talking, texting and horsing around and customers are waiting on service, leaves a bad taste in my mouth, not a place I want to visit again, food may be good, but if the service sucks, I will go somewhere else. We went to a fabulous restaurant in Manhattan called Bon 45, the service was exceptional (we were on a time limit because of the Broadway Show we were going to see) and our waiter had everything to our table, cooked to perfection, where we had time to enjoy it and then served us the best glass of wine I have had to date (and I don't know the name of it), this is a restaurant I will visit again and again. I would recommend this to anyone traveling to New York, it's amazing.
As I think about our deli, I visualize it as being successful, as customers coming in and out. I see us building a rapor with them. I want to sell certain types of art from local artists, my sister-in-law has a business and I would love to feature that as well and my mom-in-law does some awesome aprons and they need to be represented as well. Thank God for dreams!!!!!!!!
Hopefully the journey of this deli will continue to be recorded here and in my journals so that I can look back and see the legs of this journey.

Monday, February 22, 2010

New York Reflection

The sky is hues of gray, some soft while others are more stark and the skyline is filled with tall rectangular buildings with small rectangle within each, from this vantage point all the buildings in the background are a shade of gray, while the buildings in the forefront are brick red with the gray of the railing of the bridge running in front. You hear the sound of hundreds of vehicles, horns honking and many sounds of the city running together so that you can't distinguish what they are. You can smell the exhause fumes from all of the traffic and the smell of trash that is on the streets, and the aroma of many different cuisines. You see people everywhere that you look, business men/women in their suits rushing off to work, moms or the nannies pushing children in their strollers headed somewhere in the city, you see people coming up from the subway tunnels scrabbling to be somewhere. Businesses are opening for the day as they slide the large metal doors up that have been protecting their businesses through the night. As you look up you see building that seem to go on forever getting lost in the sky and finally you hear it the rain begins to pelt down on the city.

The smell of the city takes your breath away as you drive into the city, it happens everytime that we arrive. Everywhere around you there is the hustle and bustle of the city, the bright yellow cabs are everywhere, we are hearing people whistling and waving their hands to get the cab to stop to take them to some destination within the city. As you walk down the streets of Manhattan you are drawn into the stores to do a little more shopping, maybe to find that perfect outfit for the event that you have coming up, or you go into the one of a kind shop for that gift for your special someone. You come upon the hotdog cart on the corner and you can't walk by without having one, so you order a hotdog with mustard, relish and onion and then you and a knish with mustart. You take a bite of the hotdog and it crunches in your mouth and the taste is like something you've never had before and you keep strolling down the street, you come upon a street vendor with jewelry, hats, scarves, and art work so much to choose from. You continue your journey down the streets and you happen upon one of the many bakeries that the city has to offer and you can't pass this up so you go inside and buy a dozen different pastries because you can't make up your mind and then your off to explore the city once more. You turn a corner and there you are in Soho, so it's time for a little more shopping. When you've finished shopping you continue to explore the city and you come upon the site where Twin Towers use to stand and you see the pictures and letters that have been placed throughout the site and you can't help but feel you heart come up in your throat and the tears begin to run down your face as you read the letters from the children to their parents who perished on 9/11.

I feel like I am coming home as we cross the bridge into Manhattan. I am looking at the skyline, roll the window down and begin to take in the smell of the city, trying to distinguish between the awful smell of trash and the wonderful aroma of all the restaurants. I look up and to me know where else I have ever been looks like this city does to me, when you visit New York you are visiting the world, almost every tongue known to man resides here, it is like a country within a county, on every corner you can hear a different language spoke, sometimes you have to remind yourself that you are still in the US. On one block you are in Little Italy and then on the next you are in China town, just keep going a few blocks and you will be in Spanish Harlem. Culture, Culture everywhere. This is a city that seems to never sleep, you can always find an adventure. You are only bored if you don't take advantage of the many things to do, shows on Broadway, the many Museums and Botanical Gardens. There is no place to shop like shopping here, you can shop for days and days and then shop somemore. For all the wonderful things to explore in this city, you still have to step over trash, maybe a homeless person asleep on the sidewalk, or walk by someone that has decided that this is the corner he will use to relieve himself, or you see those infected with Aids asking for a handout either for shelter or a meal. As you are observing all this you see that the citizens of New York have become desinsitized to the site because they don't even notice anymore, they just go on with their lives like there is nothing amiss. We stop to listen to a street musician playing Amazing Grace on his saxaphone held together with rubber bands. As you stop to listen it seems the citizens of New York stop and listen with you and then we all put some change into his cup.

As I look at this picture the one thing that comes to mind is that there is someone that has decided to be themselves, to be an individual, to not follow the pack. I would place myself in this category, I don't like following the crowd just because it might be the in thing to do, I follow my heart and my convictions. I don't think it is a good idea in life to just follow along, we all need to be who we were created to be and allow ourselves to be shaped by our beliefs, not the beliefs of others. I have seen another picture of a fish swimming against the flow of  the others and that is what this picture reminds me of. I am a person who stands for what I believe and am not easily influnenced by the beliefs of others. I have desires in my heart and that is the direction that I am headed and as I continue to look at the picture, that is what I am reminded of. We all don't have to look or act like each other, can you imagine what a boring world this would be if we were all exactly the same, without individuality, we might as well sleep through life. Thank God for our differences, for our creativity and for each of us having our own voice. this picture if you really take the time to look at it speaks volumes. I hope that we all decide to be ourselves and not an imitation of someone else, there are to many people out there trying to be someone they are not instead of embracing who they are and loving who they are. I love the differences. I hope to always be myself at this point in my life, to many times when I was younger I tried being who others wanted me to be and now I am who I am and I love the person I have become.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I'm Continuing My Journey

I have completed my first month of the second semester of school and I have learned so much, invaluable tools already and I still have so much to learn. The things that I am learning I am sharing with my family and friends and it's incredible. Making new dishes in new ways is very exciting to me and once I have the foundations down then I can begin to tweak some of them so that they are healthier dishes. In the meantime my knife skills are improving and my understanding of how different foods, spices and sauces work together is growing. My baking skills are improving as well. Of course I am required to take other classes as well and each one is bringing benefits of their own and I am enjoying each for how they are improving a different aspect of my life.

It is amazing how well things work together to create some amazing dishes and we can say the same about life. It amazes me to set here and think about how God put all of these things together and they compliment each other so well, making our lives that much more enjoyable, challenging and rewarding sometimes all in the same breath. Everyday presents us with new opportunities to learn,to share, and to overcome whether that be through studies, relationships or some other avenue we have much to be thankful for, especially in this great country of ours, even with all of its fault.

I love spending my days in the kitchen creating something new and sharing it with others, I think it gives me a glimpse into the heart of Papa God, how He must have felt as He was creating this exceptional world that we are a part of. I love how it brings joy to others, don't you know Papa must feel the same way.

I am working on the projects that I need to complete for some of my other classes and as I work on them I am looking for how they affect other avenues of my life, I don't want to learn just for the sake of learning, I desire for a life change to take place from the things that I am learning so that I can help make a positive impact on the lives of those around me.

Take time today to reflect on the things that are impacting your life and how you can use those things to make a postive impact on those around you.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Baking Class Today

We made it to the kitchen today, all decked out in our chef uniforms not really knowing how things were going to work, but work they did. Most of the class was in teams of two, but there were three in my group. Today we put together a rhubarb cobbler and made chocolate cakes that we will be turning into a bread pudding next week (don't worry the cakes we made we froze, so they will be fresh). It is amazing how when you are working with others how quickly your find your rythum. I enjoyed class today. It was easy to take skills I use in my kitchen on a daily basis and put them to use in a professional kitchen. I am excited about learning new cooking and baking skills. I love learning about the different flours and what they are best used for and all the different methods of mixing and what happens with each. I know that the bake goods I produce in my own kitchen will be much better now and I always receive compliments on the things that I make now. I am glad that I have chosen to go to school, this has been a great decision.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Culinary Journey

I have always loved to cook, change recipes around and entertain. I have always wanted to do alot more than I have, but the budget was a factor in keeping that from happening, so I have done what I could and have enjoyed every meal and dessert that I have made and share with family and friends.

For many years our family has been vacationing in New York (mostly because we have family and friends there and there is a lot to do). We love the variety of foods and then we would come home to what is offered here and be a little disappointed.

So, several years ago my youngest daughter and I decided that we wanted to own our own Deli, we particular type of foods, so we began working on the business plan, the menu, the name and more. Then the economy changed and we realized that is was not the right timing and we began thinking about what we could do to better prepare ourselves for our future and we decided to go to school and receive some formal training in preparing foods and for practical business skills, so here we are in the second semester of school, loving it, realizing all the work involved with school and the work that will be involved in opening the Deli, but all said and done it is still the desire of our heart.

A while back the movie came out Julie and Julia and I thought what an awesome idea that Julie had to blog her way through Julia's cookbook, well I didn't want to do what she had done, but since I love to journal I thought this would be a great way for me to put into words the journey that I am upon.

First semester was foundational classes and pre-reqs, no cooking, but I learned a lot and am thankful for the knowledge. This semester however is going to be a lot of fun as well as a lot of work. I have Intro to Food Prep and Theory (learning my knife skills, some great sauces, and some great recipes). I also have Intro to Baking (breads, pastries and all that delicious stuff). So watch out kitchen here I come. This week in baking we will be making fruit cobblers, yum. The hard part of this class is all the sampling that get to do (LOL). In Food Prep we will begin practicing our knife skills. I bought my first set of professional knives and I love them and I will probably never own anything else, not even at home. One of the nice things about taking these classes is that we are learning tricks of the trade so to speak (one of which is how to make the best fried chicken).

I am have to get use to not wearing my jewelry, nails and wearing a Chef's uniform to school, but it is a small price to pay for your future. I am also having to take classes that were hard for me in High School, but I just find that they cause me to grow and adjust. Actually I am better at these classes now that I am older, imagine that.