Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sometimes Life Just Sucks!!!!!!

Ever had one of those days, I have and today was one of those and of course it involved family. Just when you think you have laid a good foundation in your kids they make some of the screwy decisions based on a lot of nonsense, listen to people that don't really have the all the wisdom they need to help them make right decisions or are giving them advise for their own selfish reasons and then there are husbands that have some areas that need healing and until that healing occurs life can just suck.

I love them all and want things to work out but I am so stressed that I can feel it taking a toll on my body. I know to pray and turn it over but I still have to live with all that is going on around me right now. Frankly I wish I was standing out in the middle of a field with no one around me and I would love to just scream at the top of my lungs, let some of this frustration out.

Right now it seems that no matter what I do or say it is not enough for someone, I think I would like a mini vacation all by myself. I knew life could be complicated, I have lived complicated I was just hoping that by this time in my life things would start smoothing out a bit, but it hasn't.

One of the things that I am afraid of is that all of this stress and lack of security that are in my life right now will cause a chain reaction in my body and I could end up with cancer again. You know no one really takes all that into account when they want me to help them, or agree with them or when I am placed in the middle in order to protect someone. It is taking it's toll and I am tired, but I know I will wake up in the morning and I will be ready to fight this fight once again. Life is precious and I need to savor every moment even when it is hard.

I am tired and I really need some sleep but I hate to go in, I am enjoying sitting here on my deck with the breeze and the peacefulness that is out here, when I go in I will have to deal with all the stress. Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder what tomorrow will hold.

Friday, July 30, 2010


I am working a fast food job, cooking but it doesn't require any of the culinary skills that I have been learning in school, which is a little disheartening, but on the other hand this job works around my school schedule. I desire to be in a job that allows me to use my creative skills. I was suppose to have a job working with a Chef that I have known since High School, I even filled out all the paper work, I was suppose to just wait for them to call and wouldn't you know I have been waiting all summer, it is disappointing but I will rise above this and continue on. I have alot of other opportunities ahead of me and I will learn from each one of them.

I am glad that after tomorrow I will have a day off and it is suppose to be nice so I will be hanging out in the pool, then I will be ready for the following week to hit it again at work, the only problem is the temperature is going to be really hot which makes the cook aisle that much hotter, it has already been well over a hundred and I come home soaked and exhausted. I remind myself often to be thankful that I have a job of anykind with the way our economy in our country is right now. I am also very grateful that I am able to continue to go to school and pursue my dream of owning my own restaurant. I am not sure how it is all going to come about but I know that it will. I am looking forward to what the future holds. I hope I come out of school being alot more creative with flavors than I am right now. In the meantime I will continue working on my skills.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Twists and Turns

Life takes many twists and turns and some days you don't know what to expect, other days you can tell where life is going to take you. We have had many things going on in our lives lately and we don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next, one day we can feel our hearts breaking and the next our hearts may be rejoicing. We have learned to place our trust where it belongs with God. I couldn't imagine living life and not having God to turn to with my successes and failures.

Raising children has it twists and turns as well as marriage, but the twist and turns are defientely worth going through. We are walking through some right now but I know in the end that it will be worth it. Allowing your children to make their own mistakes is sometimes hard but so necessary, Lord knows that i have made enough of my own over the years and I have learned much from them. I think I have learned more from my mistakes than from my successes. I try to impart as much as the wisdom that I have gleaned over the years with my kids but ultimatley it is up to them whether they chose to use what I share with them or learn the hard way. I guess at times they have to walk through their own twists and turns.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Finding Time

It is amazing the amount of time you can find to do things if you really want to. Blogging is something that I really want to do, I think it will benefit me throughout the rest of my life. I think it will help continue to improve my writing skills. I know that I want to write a cookbook, but I think that I might want to try my hand at writing another type of book as well. We will have to see what my future holds. I may need to experiment with some other writing prompts and see what kind of stories that I can come up with, who knows I might find a decent writer hiding within myself.

I worked on one writing prompt but I was kind of pressed for time and didn't really put all that I had into it, so for the next one I think I will put more thought into it.

I have always loved to write and have written in journals for years, some of which I have kept and others I placed in the trash when my life had moved in a different direction or the thoughts and feelings that I had shared within the pages I didn't want anyone else to read, they were private (between God and myself).

As I am sitting here writting this blog I am already planning out my time so that I can begin to put my recipes together and see what I come up with, I know it will take time and planning since I am not out of school yet and my job doesn't allow my creative juices to flow, I just cook, but I am learning time management in the cook aisle and some other important lessons that will benefit later on.

Can It Be

Can it be true they called and told me I didn't have to go into work until 10:00, extra time at home, so I did my house work for the day, figured out what to do for dinner, played with my granddaughter, talked to my daughter and now here I sit, able to blog.

I am reading the book: Eat Pray Love which I am really am enjoying, because of my relationship with God there are a few things that I have to filter out but there is still alot to glean from her journey.

During the last few years I have discovered the importance of having more of a relationship with God than doing all of the religious things that man expects from you, I went back to reading the Bible and am allowing the Holy Spirit to direct my steps, it is amazing how much more fulfilling my life is, how much more I love God's people instead of judging what they are doing, people have so much going on in their lives, they are holding on to so much woundedness that they just need someone to accept them right where they are and love them. I am working with alot of young people right now and they are doing things and making decisions that I don't agree with but I still love them treat them with respect and they come and talk to me about things and if I was being religious none of this would be happening.

I have learned so much about freedom in God, love and life and that trusting God takes me so much further in life than trying to fix things yourself So, I have decided to get a tatoo on my wrist written in Hebrew that says Freedom, Live and Trusting God.

I am so greatful for where my life is going and the people that I am sharing my life with.

God is so good!!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Journey Continues

I thought I would have a lot of time to blog this summer but I was wrong. I am working pretty much full time, plus still taking care of the house, laundry, cooking, and all that comes with that. I had more to do this summer because my husband was working in New York for 9 weeks, I was blessed to be able to go to New York for about 3 weeks to work with him, but then I was back home taking care of things waiting for him to come home, he is here now with us, but he will be leaving again in a few weeks to go work in New York once again. I now have less than a month until classes start again. I am really looking forward to starting these next set of classes they will prepare me more for my future. I am loving school but I look forward to the day I graduate and can start putting the finishing touches on opening our deli.

My daughter and I dream all the time about what the deli will look like, what foods that we want to serve, specials that we want to have, do we want to serve wine and beer or do we want to just serve tea, coffee, soda, etc.... I know that by the time we are ready we will have made up our minds. We are still discussing our color schemes, what we want our uniforms to look like. In this area we are designing our T-shirts for our employees. Shay and I are going to wear Chef's uniforms with a twist. We also want to use the freshest ingredients possible!!!

Well it has felt good to put my thoughts down and I hope that I can continue to blog.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Scare and Heartbroken

We thought I was having a reoccurence of breast cancer but thank God it is just a lump caused by the previous surgery and my sternum is inflammed, lot of stress caused by not knowing, but thankfully I can continue on with the goals that I have in place.

I am heartbroken because of a decision someone close to me is making and because of something that they said, I couldn't believe it came out of their mouth but it did and now I have to figure out what I am going to do with it and how I am going to address it. I would love to write it all out here on this blog, but as we all know what we put on these blogs is forever out there and I don't want to harm the person that has broken my heart. When they said what they did to me today I just wanted to sit down and die. I told the Lord I was tired, but giving up is not what He wants for me and since I am a fighter I will continue on, but part of me is so tired and I would love to just give up but I won't. Maybe later I will sit down and have a good cry, sometimes crying is a good cleanser. I just shared with my husband what is going on and that helped, but still my heart is heavy, Oh God please intervene before it is to late, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!