Sunday, March 14, 2010

Slang Story: The Dude

This dude was a grunt in the army and he got hammered after dark-thirty. He kept calling everyone dawg and telling them to hold your horses when they wanted to get him to finish his story. He was a real schmuck and everyone knew he was going to have a real crappy morning cuz he was going to barf up all that he drank. All night long he kept slippin on the dance floor acting like a real goober and people were tired of his schiznits and that were just chillin at the bar, as the night wore on you could tell he was really drinking because everyone became his bro, all the ladies were sweet and he was askin perfect strangers if they had dope.
Well, puked on the way home and the noob had to be carried into the house, he was really trippin because someone gave him some smack and he was going on and on like a battle-rattle. He was acting really wacky and jeez he was acting like he was really bad. Dang he sharting as they took him into his room to throw him on his bed, then he started telling everyone to groway and then in the next breath he would ask them “got beef”l. He keep asking everyone if they had any crack, saying man it will make you feel tubular, dang and fo’ sho’. He finally passed out and everyone left.
He got up the next morning and his hair was all nappy and his breath smelled like crap. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought to himself I am a real cracker jack. Dang I pucked in the car on the way home last night, that was sick. I thought I was more rad than that. He looked around his neck to see a lot of bling and wondered where that had come from, then he said to himself that is just wacky. He also noticed that his fake bake was faded.
He decided that he would go back to the bar that night to find out what all had happened, so he walked in calling out to everyone, hey ya’ll I’m back fill give be the 5-o on what happed last night, and they told him he had been acting like a haji. Phwea I thought I had been acting ary like my homie over there at the bar, but it seems I was just being a cracker, then he turned around to his buddies and said anitcha a cowhead or something, it’s a dang good thing the fuzz didn’t pull us over last night or we would have ended up in church, man last night was just phat, it’s a bummer I don’t remember it all, just bits a pieces. He said that he was glad that he still had oll of his digits, he was glad he still could bounce, he was disappointed that he had yacked, oh dang I am a fool, he decided he was all shopped out. He said to himself I am such a shizzle and crap that is illy, drinking till you puck. Man going out and getting wasted is dope, totally dope. Hey yo lets go do it again he started yellin at his friends, and then he started talking all gansta. We are all suck noobs, uh-oh it’s a good thing I am not into otaku or I really would have my breaces in a broseph, you all know Im down.

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