Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My old room was:

My old room was done in antique furniture, you know the kind with the huge mirror and vanity and drawers on either side. The wood was dark, mahogony in color and then there was a chest of drawers with 2 doors on the top that opened and that is where I keep all of my specials treasures: my journals, perfumes, favorite doll and of course special pieces of jewelry from my grandmothers. My great grandmother gave me powders that came in these metal cans with an opening on top full of small holes for the powder to come out and then it had a small metal lid that fit over the opening. My bed was an old wrought iron metal bed with a feather mattress. My bedspread and curtain where white battenburg lace and I had battenburg lace pillows. My room was the perfect place for me to get away to. It was my safe place, the place where I could go and dream, I could be anyone that I wanted to be. I could be rich or poor. I could be a doctor or someones wife. I could go to my room and write all of my wonderful stories. One day I would be a pilot and fly all over the world, the next day I might choose to be an actress and make movies in exotic places. That was the wonderful thing about my old room no matter what was going on around me I could go into my room and dream about all the possibilities. Some days I even dreamed I was a princess with the crown and everything.

My room was an important place for me, for you see out in the real world bad things had happened to me and I needed a place to go to be safe to escape all of the ugliness that I had been introduced to. I needed to be someone different from who I was and that is why my room was such a special place for me. I can still remember the smell of my room, the smell of the wood, you know it had that old smell. I can still remember the smell of the powders. I threw away all of my old journals because they were full of pain and ugliness and I didn't want anyone to read them.

Today I have a new room and it is just as special. It has new furniture and the colors in my room are gold, coral and some bronze and neutral colored carpet and walls that match and my journals well they are all over the house. I write in different ones about all kinds of things, these days I don't care who reads my journals they are full of hopes, dreams and the healing from all the pain I expereinced as a child. My new room I share with my husband and it is a place of peace and of love. I still go to my room and dream about all the possibilities that are before me and I know that I can be whoever I want to be, the possibilities are endless. Today I can go into my room and dream about the goals that I am setting for myself knowing that they are attainable. Today when I go into my room I take myself and I stay myself, I don't have to pretend to be someone else. Oh in this life you will always experience pain but now the pain doesn't control me anymore, today it propels me towards continued healing.

For those of you who have just read the story, it is a story, with some truth mixed in.

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